A Picture of Loves - part 2***

***The parts are numbered as they come to me, not necessarily as I will order them later***


She sat in the passenger seat mostly listening and making the appropriate responses as she watched the familiar terrain of Eugene slipping quickly by her. She realized it was probably too late to change her mind, too late and too impolite to ask him to turn around and take her home.

"What is it?" He asked, perceiving her discomfort.

"I really don't want to be dating anyone right now," She answered with the unhindered honesty that had accompanied all of her conversations with this man. She thought back to the evening a week previously when they had ended up spending a few hours shooting pool after a long discussion about Russian literature at the coffee shop where they met. She had explained to him her full perspective on the failure of modern dating methods, and how she would not undergo "courtship" again. She had explained the reasons why she herself was unwilling to be dating anyone right now. The same unhindered honesty explaining that it was far too soon for her damaged heart.

What she did not share, was that it was too soon for her heart for several reasons. The first was that she was afraid, afraid of trusting again, and of hoping again, and of rejection again. The second was because her heart still loved another, and though she had already long since mourned the loss of this love, and was determined to stop loving him, she also knew it would not be fair to let a new man love her fiercely, when she could not return the devotion. She hoped that given enough time, her heart would heal, and then she could venture to love again.

"This isn't a date," He assured her, as they continued down the highway leading to the coast for an afternoon of beach exploration together.

"Yes, it is," She argued. She knew his intentions were clear. He liked her, he really liked her.

"Okay, so it is," He shrugged, maintaining his light banter.

"I really don't want to be dating anyone right now," She reiterated.

He paused. "Well, I can turn around," He offered.

"No," She sighed.

"No really, I don't want you to not want to be with me the whole day," He said genuinely.

She gave this much thought as the car continued west with the irresistible pull of the tide. The moon was plotting against her. Just three weeks earlier, she and her roommate were investigating astrological signs and personality and compatibility when she had jokingly suggested that she just needed to try dating a Cancer...and lo and behold one showed up across the counter ordering lattes again, and again, and again and now here she was in his car headed to a crab's territory, the beach.

Irritated at allowing herself to be in this predicament, and determined that this would be their last outing - since it would not be polite to ask him to turn around, she replied, "No really, let's just go as planned."

"Okay then," He said with finality, and the chatting continued. They exchanged stories from their pasts, his adventures in bible and music college, her wild encounters doing unconventional outreach. Neither mentioned the heartaches, neither mentioned the mistakes. They were not hiding per se, but rather honoring the boundaries one ought to have with their heart and stranger's. This was new for her. He made her laugh often. His company was enjoyable, but she was sure her time with him would soon be over. They were too different.

After finding the agate beach they had been seeking and spending some time watching the wind whip waves against the oceans pull, they began a hunt for unique stones. She found one that she had mistaken for a guitar pick and gave it to him for his music stories. He was highly mindful and protective of her, which she found amusing. As they began wandering towards the tide pools to find crabs he looked at her smiling and pronounced, "I just know you're going to like me," with the same unassuming confidence with which he had showed her how to improve her pool game.

The corners of her mouth smiled, worried, but not too worried, she might break his heart, and worried, too worried, he might be right.